December 6th, 2017 by georginagreen

-First time leading the group in prayer before rounds

-First time doing CPR on a baby (I did think later that perhaps it wasn’t a good enough prayer, but that’s narrow thinking. For the intern I talked to later, it was not her first time. Infants are frequently brought to the hospital too late.)

-First time checking on baby shortly thereafter and finding no heartbeat

-First time initiating CPR

-First time seeing devastating effects of herbal medication (common here)

-First time praying with the family after the death of their newborn child

They love him. They thought they were doing what’s best. There are always some difficult days in medicine. But some days are more heartbreaking than others.

The sun was hot and bright when I walked outside after he died. And it has rained all afternoon. The rain seems much more appropriate.

Walking home, a young child playing in puddles, delighted with the rain, saying to his friends, “Come here! The water’s warm! Come see!” Such life and joy in that child. And up the hill a family is grieving.

And for me, am feeling the weight of the limit of my abilities and my training, wanting to do better.